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TheLordGod

Questions:

1. Now that I've conquered sin and death, I feel pretty useless. What can I do to get my self esteem back?

Answers:

1. Behold, my son Benjamin hath been a faithful and a wise servant. I shall go before him, and the glory of the LORD shall be his rear guard.

2. In the resurrection all she be returned to its proper frame. Both limb and joint shall be restored, black shall be made white, the body shall receive its perfect form and not a hair of the head will be lost, thus saith the LORD.

3. All things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

4. Peace be unto your soul my son Ben. For thou hast asked the question of the ages. Man was created from the dust of the earth. And from man, was woman created, in the likeness of the almighty. May thy seed continue to multiply upon the land. For thou...

5. There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day. And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores. And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell...

6. Darkconjurer my Son, I will answer your question. It is because of the pride, that has been seeded in the hearts of men. It has been placed there so it can be a stumbling block for men. To challenge them to rely on faith, and not on their humanly...

7. And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but...

8. Remember remember Doctrine & Covenants 121: 7-15, 7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over...

9. You already have the answer to this question my son... It is I that causes the tides, it is I that causes the earth quakes, hurricanes, tornadoes and natural disasters. These are all humbling events, that turn my people unto me.

10. Lovest thou me? Feed my lambs. Lovest thou me? Feed my sheep. Lovest thou me? Feed my llamas. F'ing Jews.

11. The period is the most precious gift that I hath given thee. Don't waste it.

12. I would not get nailed on the cross.

13. My daughter, to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heav'n. Nevertheless, moist dog food is not good for the hair. Moist dog food for the face, dry dog food for the hair, Alpo for the belly, and Kibbles & Bits for...

14. Ask... And ye shall receive my son. Thou art mighty in spirit and in thought. Use the gifts that thou hast been given, to ease the burden that thy neighbor carries.

15. And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a aname, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the...

16. And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was ablind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but...

17. Oh yeah, now it makes sense why Joseph punched me and said "Weocum ta EARF," when I appeared to him.

18. Hold on, let me check... Yup, he's right here in heaven with me.

19. The strangest dream I ever had was this time when I dreamed that I was born on Earth as a babe in swaddling clothes. I grew up and tried to tell everyone that I was God and taught them about love but mostly it just pissed people off. So one day I...

20. Hahaha, oh GAWD no. He's a mormon.

21. Let the breasts of thy Mother nurture thy soul for all the days in which ye shall live my son.

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